Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street. Fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening. ~Coco Chanel
Growing up, I was fed a steady Midwestern diet of meat and potatoes, and everything was fried (thanks to southern roots on both sides of the fam).
OK, OK. That’s an exaggeration. Not everything was fried.
And we ate plenty of fruits and veggies. And dessert was rare. And pop was considered a treat. But still.
My mom tops her homemade macaroni and cheese with strips of bacon. Her ranch dip will change your life. The main ingredients? Mayonnaise and sour cream.
And have I mentioned I have almost no self control where food is concerned? Well, it’s true. So you can imagine the damage I did during the holidays.
Between my mom practically shoveling food down my throat (“You don’t eat enough!”), no exercise (I don’t run outside in cold weather, I hate gyms), and a waning metabolism (Thanks, 31st birthday), I tipped the scales at… Well, let’s just say I gained about six pounds in a week.
Something had to give. Not only did I feel pudgy, I felt…full. Clogged.
So I decided to embark on the Master Cleanse.
You know, the 10-day fast Beyoncé popularized a few years ago.
You drink a quart of salt water in the morning, an herbal laxative tea at night, and lemonade (made with maple syrup, lemon juice, and cayenne pepper) in between. That’s it.
No food, no caffeine, no alcohol.
My friends thought I’d lost my mind. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.
I lasted five days.
Would I do the Master Cleanse again? Maybe. Maybe not. When it was all said and done, I did feel cleaned out. And I lost the weight I’d gained.
Pro Tip: Keep lotion handy.
You will pee. A lot. (I was going to keep track of my bathroom trips, but I lost count.) Therefore, you will wash your hands a lot. Therefore, lotion will become your best friend.
Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.